Russian roulette with six bullets

About six months ago, a Russian student created a website called Chat Roulette that pairs random strangers for webcam conversations. With a single click on the "next" button, a new partner is found. The site received wide media coverage but somehow, I only found out about it a few weeks ago. I immediately got very excited, for I love meeting new people, and myriad fantasies filled my mind. I read about celebrity sightings and a serenading pianist, I saw screen captures of people wearing costumes; I was psyched. Last Saturday, I gathered my courage and typed in the url, hoping I would catch a glimpse of Elvis or meet a scientist working from a bunker in Antarctica. After a brief pause, I clicked on "New Game."

A few more explanations are in order before I go on describing what followed. Intrinsically, I am a very naive person. I like to think the best of people and my instinct is usually to offer my trust freely until betrayed. Life has taught me that the opposite approach is much safer. Cynicism, suspicion and pessimism are my guard dogs and so far, they have served me well. No, I did not truly think I would land on someone cool. Yes, I did think that I would mostly get gross naked men masturbating. In my mind, I had done the math, and seeing a random penis or two was a worthwhile price to pay for the chance to meet someone interesting. I admit that my heart was racing a bit before I clicked. I was scared of the nasty things I might see that I hadn't thought of. What is seen cannot be unseen.

Round 1: Spin the cylinder, here we go! Guy #1 looks pretty normal. Sort of teenage lazy-bum-lives-in-mom's-basement. He's mostly in the dark. I ask why and he answers that he's watching Star Wars. Ok, could be worse. He drinks from a beer. Off camera, another lazy bum laughs and comes into view, leaning over the keyboard to, as it turns out, "next" me. I'm hurt. I'm the one who's supposed to be nexting people!

Guy #2 is much older, thankfully. I'm guessing late thirties early forties. He looks pretty good. We talk for a few minutes. He says he's only seen a dozen people so far. Lots of penises. We're starting to have a good time but mid-sentence, out of the blue, he nexts me. What's up with that? I'm getting mildly annoyed.

Fast forward through some close ups of penises (none of which looked unusual, fortunately) and then I get a pair of teenage girls wearing a ton of makeup. The tall one gives me a monster frown before nexting me. I don't get mad about that one. Then, I think I hit the jackpot. There's a guy holding a guitar. I get excited: he's like the serenading pianist! Yay! "Hi!" I say, "what's your n..." *next* What the hell! Chat roulette is not for people with a fragile self-esteem. Ok, I was due for a break.

My natural optimism was rapidly taking a dive. Should I try again or give up? I decided to go for round #2, determined to quickly next anyone who 1) looks remotely abnormal, 2) is not visibly wearing any clothes and 3) is displaying anything but their own face. Spin the cylinder once more! With my hand poised on the next key, I quickly cycle through several partners who fall under one of the above categories. I see some more undesirable stuff. Disappointed, I was reaching the conclusion that chat roulette is Russian roulette with a fully loaded revolver. You're guaranteed to die a little bit inside on every squeeze of the trigger.

But wait! One more "next" for the road, and I landed on a pretty hot thirty-something guy who looked normal and was wearing a shirt. Within the first minute, I saw him smoke and reach for a glass with different hands, therefore proving he wasn't touching himself, or at least not... um... consistently. We started talking. He was Greek. Greek! When I was a young teenager, before computers were a staple in all family homes, I had registered with this organization that matched you with correspondents from around the world. One of my matches was a Greek guy who had sent a picture and was, no joke, to die for. He was wearing dark shades on a sunny day, with the ocean in the background. I was instantly in love. So, as far as good looking Greek guys went, that was two in two. I made a mental note to move Greece up on my list of countries to visit.

The stranger and I talked for over twenty minutes. It cheered me up and I thought, "Hey, this thing isn't so bad after all!" Maybe it had been worth it. "Thanks for the chat," I told him, "I'm going to sign off now." He gave me a wide grin and said, "I had a good time too but, before you go, I was  wondering... could you flash me your boobs?"